Sunday, January 1, 2012

Marriage & Wedding Policy

This policy applies to all members (see definition of member below) of the church who intend to get married. It is also applicable to non-members who wish to have their marriage sanctioned and blessed by the church.

The function of the church is not just to conduct weddings but more so to prepare and help the couples to build successful marriages and Christian homes. Couples have a responsibility to the church in the example they set in building a Christian home as much as the church has a responsibility in helping and encouraging them in their married lives. There ought to be mutual responsibility and accountability. To achieve the above goals, it is therefore necessary for the church to have requirements for the couples to fulfil when they want a church wedding.

Requirements:
  1. The couple must inform the Eldership/Pastors through their cell leader about their intention to get married at least twelve (12) months before their intended month of wedding.
  2. The date of the wedding should only be fixed after the couple has a personal meeting with a member of the Pastoral staff.
  3. The booking of a church and the choice of their officiating pastor must only be done after consultation with the Pastoral staff.
  4. The couple must NOT register with the Registrar of Marriage. Those who have been officially registered or those who have not been registered but have physically consummated their relationship will forfeit a church wedding.
  5. Both the man and the woman must be baptized Christians and one of them must be a member of DUMC. However, if both of them are worshippers at DUMC then both must be members of DUMC.
  6. The couple must attend all the premarital counselling classes and complete assignments before their wedding.
  7. The couple must show seriousness and commitment in working on preparing for, as well as after marriage and not just the wedding.
  8. The couple must belong and be regularly attending a cell.


All the requirements must be met before the church will give its consent to the wedding. The church is not obligated to give its consent in the event of a major concern regarding the preparedness of the couple for marriage. In such cases, a postponement of the wedding will be recommended.

Definition of being a member of DUMC


Sunday, December 18, 2011

Process for Pre-Marital Counselling

PRE-MARITAL COUNSELLING STATION


This pre-marital counselling station (PMCS) will be for couples in DUMC who are in a relationship with expressed intention for marriage within a 12- to 24-month time-frame.

Objectives

1.   DUMC will be responsible and accountable for the welfare of any marriage she chooses to bless. Therefore it is important that a good foundation be set for the marriage. This station is explicitly for this purpose. DUMC looks beyond the wedding day preparation. Emphasis is on a life-long relationship that is both enriching and God-honouring.

2.   It allows the zone pastors to know the couples that are tying the knot. It allows the pastoral staff to give a personal touch from the Church.

3.   It allows a counsellor-counsellee relationship to form so that an accountability structure is built into the new couple’s lives.

4.   It allows the couple to realise the need for pro-active nurture of their courtship and future marriage relationship, to correct any inappropriate biblical understanding of marriage and to equip them with the required tools to further enrich their lives together.

5.   It allows the couple to be certain of their decision to get married and the person they are marrying. Other possible outcomes of this station are a decision to postpone marriage until primary issues between the couple are sorted out, or a decision to not go ahead with the marriage at all.

6.   It will also enrich and strengthen the marriage of the counsellors.

Preparation Track

See attached flow-chart.

Process to initiate PMC

1.     Contact our Wedding Planning Ministry.
2.     You will be briefed about the whole process.
3.     You will be required to fill in the PMC application forms and complete the Taylor-Johnson Temperament Analysis test.
4.     Thereafter you will be called for an interview with your zone pastor.


      
Exposure to Toddlers' Ministry (Little Lamb)

We expose our counsellees to the realities of parenthood by rostering them to serve in this ministry during celebrations for a minimum of 6 sessions. We hope the couple would take this opportunity to interact with the toddlers and their parents first-hand to gain insight into the realities of parenthood.

Pre-Marital Counselling

Objectives

1.   It allows a counsellor-counsellee relationship to form so that an accountability structure is built into the new couple’s lives.

2.   It allows the couple to realise the need for pro-active nurture of their courtship and future marriage relationship, to correct any inappropriate biblical understanding of marriage and to equip them with the required tools to further enrich their lives together.

3.   It allows the couple to be certain of their decision to get married and the person they are marrying. Other possible outcomes of this station are a decision to postpone marriage until primary issues between the couple are sorted out, or a decision to not go ahead with the marriage at all.

Syllabus

Taylor-Johnson Analysis


Manual
1.   What is marriage?
2.   Uniqueness and Acceptance in Marriage
3.   Love as a Basis for Marriage
4.   What Do You Expect From Marriage
5.   Goals in Marriage
6.   Fulfilling Needs in Marriage
7.   Roles, Responsibilities, and Decision Making
8.   In-Laws or Outlaws - It’s Your Choice
9.   Communication
10.  Conflict (or “Sound the Battle Cry!”)
11.  Finances
12.  Sex in Marriage
13. Your Spiritual Life Together



Duration

Minimum number of sessions: 14 (13+1)
Maximum number of sessions: 25 (also dependent on counsellor’s recommendation)
To be conducted fortnightly.

Counsellors

Selected by pastoral staff using the following as guidelines:-

·         married for at least 3 years
·         own marriage must be of good witness to those around
·         own marriage life is held accountable to the Zone Pastors
·         both husband and wife must have a burden for this area of ministry 
·         must have attended the accreditation class for the pre-marital counselling

Methodology

Lecture, Facilitation, Videos, Sharing & Assignments

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Divorce & Remarriage Policy

Introduction
Marriage is an institution created by God and must be held in the highest regard*Hebrews 13:4 says, A Marriage should be honoured by all, and the marriage bed kept pure...”  
The marriage relationship is designed by God to be permanent (Rom. 7:2), heterosexual (Gen. 2:24) and deeply enriching and fulfilling. Not only nothing should hinder such a relationship, but everything must be done to continue to enhance this most intimate of human relationships. However, we do recognised that even as Christians we sometimes fall short, sadly, of God’s design for marriage. While we do not wish to add further pain to an already difficult situation when a marriage breaks down, what is important is to hold a high view of marriage and the marriage covenant. After examining the biblical and theological teaching about the subject of divorce and remarriage, the following is DUMC’s position regarding divorce and remarriage for the present.


Divorce
1. Divorce is not accepted on the ground of irreconcilable differences. The couple must have the humility, courage and commitment, with the help of others, to work towards resolving their conflicts and be reconciled.

2. Divorce is not accepted on the ground that one spouse has become abusive and violent. In the event of such real hardship in marriage, we would counsel a period of separation. In the meantime, we want to pray and seek for change, and eventual reconciliation and restoration.

3. Even though divorce is permitted under two exceptional circumstances, i.e. adultery (Mt. 5:32; 19:9) and a non-believing partner refusing to co-habitate (1 Cor. 7:12-16), we want to countenance a period of prayer and counselling first. The posture we would strongly urge is that of forgiveness asked of in genuine penitence and shown by each other, and in due process reconciliation and restoration.

4. In the event of a divorce, we wish to encourage the Christian(s) concerned to remain single.



Remarriage
Divorcees seeking remarriage should pray and seek God’s direction first for their status in life, whether to remain single for the rest of their lives. We do not in any way wish to give an impression that if a marriage does not work out, then divorce could be countenanced since remarriage may be permitted. We would like to emphasise that the one permanent marriage relationship is still God’s best plan for His creation. Although we do not condone or encourage remarriage, we recognised that deep compassion is needed. The church would only allow a remarriage provided the following conditions are met:

1. That all avenues of reconciliation with the previous partner have been explored. This is because it is always God’s desire that one be restored to the spouse of one’s youth (Mal. 2:15).

2. That the person seeking remarriage is the aggrieved party in a church allowed divorce.

3. That forgiveness has been shown and/or sought from the ex-spouse(s) and those offended.

4. That an extended period of pre-marital counselling, especially outlining the special and unusual demands that will be placed on such a relationship, has been followed through. That the couple will have to promise on-going marital counselling and accountability. The purpose is to secure, with God’s help, success in the relationship.

5. That the wedding ceremony should not be elaborate and be confined to the immediate members of the families and close friends.



Notes:
1. The leadership of DUMC comprising the Elders and Pastors wants to honour the Lord Jesus Christ as well as to have a compassionate heart in handling such a difficult and painful subject.

2. The church leadership recognises that because of the multifarious factors involved when a relationship breaks down we often need to view each case separately.

3. The church will not discontinue fellowship or to show love and care to those who come from such a background. The church will seek to be a healing community as much as possible.


DUMC Eldership
2000