Divorce & Remarriage Policy

Introduction

Marriage is an institution created by God and must be held in the highest regard*. Hebrews 13:4 says, A Marriage should be honoured by all, and the marriage bed kept pure...”  

The marriage relationship is designed by God to be permanent (Rom. 7:2), heterosexual (Gen. 2:24) and deeply enriching and fulfilling. Not only nothing should hinder such a relationship, but everything must be done to continue to enhance this most intimate of human relationships. However, we do recognised that even as Christians we sometimes fall short, sadly, of God’s design for marriage. While we do not wish to add further pain to an already difficult situation when a marriage breaks down, what is important is to hold a high view of marriage and the marriage covenant. After examining the biblical and theological teaching about the subject of divorce and remarriage, the following is DUMC’s position regarding divorce and remarriage for the present.

Divorce

1. Divorce is not accepted on the ground of irreconcilable differences. The couple must have the humility, courage and commitment, with the help of others, to work towards resolving their conflicts and be reconciled.

2. Divorce is not accepted on the ground that one spouse has become abusive and violent. In the event of such real hardship in marriage, we would counsel a period of separation. In the meantime, we want to pray and seek for change, and eventual reconciliation and restoration.

3. Even though divorce is permitted under two exceptional circumstances, i.e. adultery (Mt. 5:32; 19:9) and a non-believing partner refusing to co-habitate (1 Cor. 7:12-16), we want to countenance a period of prayer and counselling first. The posture we would strongly urge is that of forgiveness asked of in genuine penitence and shown by each other, and in due process reconciliation and restoration.

4. In the event of a divorce, we wish to encourage the Christian(s) concerned to remain single.

Remarriage

Divorcees seeking remarriage should pray and seek God’s direction first for their status in life, whether to remain single for the rest of their lives. We do not in any way wish to give an impression that if a marriage does not work out, then divorce could be countenanced since remarriage may be permitted. We would like to emphasise that the one permanent marriage relationship is still God’s best plan for His creation. Although we do not condone or encourage remarriage, we recognised that deep compassion is needed. The church would only allow a remarriage provided the following conditions are met:

1. That all avenues of reconciliation with the previous partner have been explored. This is because it is always God’s desire that one be restored to the spouse of one’s youth (Mal. 2:15).

2. That the person seeking remarriage is the aggrieved party in a church allowed divorce.

3. That forgiveness has been shown and/or sought from the ex-spouse(s) and those offended.

4. That an extended period of pre-marital counselling, especially outlining the special and unusual demands that will be placed on such a relationship, has been followed through. That the couple will have to promise on-going marital counselling and accountability. The purpose is to secure, with God’s help, success in the relationship.

5. That the wedding ceremony should not be elaborate and be confined to the immediate members of the families and close friends.

Notes:

1. The leadership of DUMC comprising the Elders and Pastors wants to honour the Lord Jesus Christ as well as to have a compassionate heart in handling such a difficult and painful subject.

2. The church leadership recognises that because of the multifarious factors involved when a relationship breaks down we often need to view each case separately.

3. The church will not discontinue fellowship or to show love and care to those who come from such a background. The church will seek to be a healing community as much as possible.

* Please refer to the DUMC Marriage & Wedding Policy.

DUMC Eldership

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